Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger

Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger


Brontez Purnell
He’s a slut. He's a nerd. He’s a waiter, bored at work. This is his diary.

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Paperback Edition
Publication Date: 06-13-2017

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A dirty cult-classic put out in a small batch by an underground publisher (Rudos and Rubes) in 2015, Johnny Would You Love Me If My Dick Were Bigger recounts the life of an artist and “old school homosexual” who bears a big resemblance to author Brontez Purnell. Our hero doesn’t trust the new breed of fags taking over San Francisco, though. They wear bicycle helmets, seat belts, and condoms. Meanwhile, he sabotages his relationships, hallucinating affection while cruising in late night parks, bath-houses, and other nooks and crannies of a newly-conservative, ruined city.

Furiously original, vital, and messy, this funny “non-memoir” uncovers a revelatory truth for the age: there are things far scarier than HIV.

"Brontez is a raw tongue of flame blazing through all the blatant fakery and insincere bullshit of today's gay/music/human scene. This audacious non-memoir burnt the hair off the back of my neck and had me rolling with glee." —S.F. Bay Guardian

"By asking, “Would you love me if….?” Purnell is not inquiring about the limits of love, he announcing his awareness that limits exist and snubbing his nose accordingly. He refuses to go straight, adjust his expectations, or refrain from being too much. Along the way, he has carved out a creative and hopefully satisfying life full of dance, writing, friendship, sex, adventure, and as it seems, love." —Lambda Literary Review

"Brilliant, unfettered commentary on the state of contemporary gay life." Bay Area Reporter

“Outrageous, laugh-out-loud funny, and heartrending—all at once.” —Aaron Cometbus, Cometbus Magazine

"Brontez is unabashed, and, unlike most of us, can admit that he just wants people to like him. Well, we do like Brontez, and as he says in his book, yeah, his stories are on fire." —Slutist